Saturday Night Live is about to kick off its 34th season, and they're determined to do it with a bang. Doing a smart job of quickly pulling in America's biggest star of the summer, the show has announced that super-crazy Olympian god slash merman Michael Phelps will be hosting the premiere. It also looks like the musical guest will be Lil' Wayne, but who has time to care about that? Michael Phelps is swimming back to America and he's hosting!

Here's who's on the late night talk shows tonight.

• Charlie Rose: more coverage of the DNC
  
• The Daily Show: DNC coverage
  
• The Colbert Report: Governor Mike Huckabee
  
• The Late Show with David Letterman: Neil Patrick Harris, Kerri Walsh, Misty May-Treanor, and Nas
  
• Jay Leno: Bill Maher, Henry Cejudo, and Low vs. Diamond
  
• Jimmy Kimmel Live: Don Cheadle, Emma Stone, and Antebellum
  
• Tavis Smiley: Governor Tim Kaine
  
• Late Night with Conan O'Brien: Tiger Woods, Vanessa Minnillo, and Jimmy Carr
  
• The Late, Late Show with Craig Ferguson: Billy Bob Thornton, Lewis Black, and The Boxmasters (repeat)
  
• Last Call with Carson Daly: Romany Malco and Sheryl Crow (repeat)
  

A roundup of TV people from in front of the camera and behind the scenes who have passed away.

• Jeff MacKay: He was a veteran character actor who you know as Mac from Magnum, P.I. and his role as Bud's father on JAG. He was also a regular on Tales of the Gold Monkey and Baa Baa Black Sheep and appeared on other shows such as Diagnosis: Murder, Outlaws, Airwolf, The Greatest American Hero, Hardcastle and McCormack, and the original Battlestar Galactica. He also appeared in such movies as All The President's Men and The Wild, Wild West Revisited. He died of liver failure at age 60.

On a regular basis, we get press releases sent to us here in the palatial penthouse suites of TV Squad. Most of them are your standard write-ups about a upcoming series or television event that can't be missed. Others, while they seem to print all of the necessary information, actually have an underlying subtext to them, arousing curiosity about what the networks and/or studios are not revealing.

Take the recent press release from BBC America that mentioned the beginning of filming on the newest series of Torchwood. The press release mentioned the subtitle of the series, Torchwood: Children of Earth, and that this newest series (actually, mini-series ... only five episodes) will focus on one single adventure that has the team battling for the future of the human race. The release also mentioned the return of John Barrowman as Captain Jack Harkness, Eve Myles as Gwen Cooper and Gareth David-Lloyd as Ianto Jones.

Look, I'm just going to go ahead and take credit for this one. Obviously Britney listened to me when I praised her for her awkwardly funny VMA promos with this year's host, Russell Brand, and agreed that that was enough for this year. Her manager, Larry Rudolph, has confirmed that despite reports, Brit will not be picking up the sparkly underwear from the cleaners in order to perform at this year's VMAs.

Fans of unruly extensions and gum-smacking need not fear, however: there is still a good chance that Ms. Spears will make an appearance at the fête. Britney is nominated for Video of the Year for her single, "Piece of Me." Even though Britney Spears has been nearly synonymous with MTV and the VMAs for most of her career, she's never actually won one of the coveted moon men, so I'm not sure how good her chances are of actually making an acceptance speech. Regardless, I wouldn't be surprised if producers still find something for her to do during the show; if there's one thing for which Britney can always be relied on, it's creating buzz. Well, that and single-handedly keeping Cheetos in business.

The MTV Video Music Awards air on September 7.

Here's who's on the late night talk shows tonight.

• Charlie Rose: TBA
• The Daily Show: coverage of the Democratic National Convention
  
• The Colbert Report: Representative Bob Barr
  
• The Late Show with David Letterman: Don Cheadle, Bryan Clay, and Little Anthony & The Imperials
  
• Jay Leno: Norm MacDonald, Nastia Liukin, and B.B. King
  
• Jimmy Kimmel Live: Don Rickles and The Game
  
• Tavis Smiley: Governor Ed Rendell
  
• Late Night with Conan O'Brien: Vin Diesel, Dave Atell, and The Virgins
  
• The Late, Late Show with Craig Ferguson: James McAvoy and Bengt Washburn (repeat)
  
• Last Call with Carson Daly: Kathy Griffin and Gavin DeGraw (repeat)
  

Parents, it is time to put our collective feet firmly on the ground. We have spent the last year-and-a-half pumping billions of dollars into the monstrosity that is the Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus empire with the ever-increasing amount of products that give our daughters fits whenever they see them in the store. Everything and anything with even a picture of The Hannah or Miley has come into our homes, making our childless neighbors or those with a cadre of boys scratch their heads in curiosity as to why this teenager's face graces so many surfaces.

Well, I say enough is enough! Time to put down our wallets and purses, straighten up and notify our children, in a firm but gentle manner, that we will no longer be supporting their Hannah/Miley addiction. The best place to start is to let them know that, in no uncertain terms, will we be plunking down $250 a pop (plus airfare, lodging, and rental car) to wish Ms. Cyrus a happy 16th birthday at Disneyland on October 5th. Oh, Cyrus will perform a few songs at the party, and it will be limited to 5000 of her closest fans. But, will the cost be worth it for something your daughters will forget when Miley eventually fades into the limelight and they begin to think about (gasp!) boys?

But, if you can't resist, you better get to your phone, computer, or Disneyland now to be one of the first when tickets go on sale this Saturday at 9:00 AM PDT (that's noon to us East Coasters). Don't worry, the rest of us will be there to support you when you return. Just make sure you bring pictures and souvenirs of the event. Hey, we have only so much strength, you know!

Here's who's on the late night talk shows tonight.

• Charlie Rose: coverage of the Democratic National Convention
  
• The Daily Show: Ben Stiller (repeat)
  
• The Colbert Report: Dick Meyer (repeat)
  
• The Late Show with David Letterman: Tracy Morgan, Shawn Johnson, and Solange
  
• Jay Leno: Senator John McCain, Dara Torres, and Juliana Hatfield
  
• Jimmy Kimmel Live: James Franco, Tommy Lee, and From First to Last (repeat)
  
• Tavis Smiley: coverage of the Democratic National Convention
  
• Late Night with Conan O'Brien: Daniel Radcliffe, Steve Coogan, and The Hold Steady
  
• The Late, Late Show with Craig Ferguson: Sigourney Weaver, Stanley Bing, and Three 6 Mafia (repeat)
  
• Last Call with Carson Daly: Jose Canseco and Lupe Fiasco (repeat)
  

He's survived being encased in ice, being buried alive in a grave, being trapped in a plexiglass box high in the air, holding his breath underwater for Oprah, and standing on top of a pedestal for a few days, but this is the first stunt where magician David Blaine will wear magnetic footwear. Take that, Criss Angel!

ABC has announced the next special to feature Blaine, who seems to be loved and loathed in equal measure. The show is titled "The Dive of Death," and will feature Blaine walking on the underside of a thin wire high above Wollman Rink in New York City. He'll do it for three days and nights, with the help of magnetic boots. On a related note, "The Dive of Death" also describes the bar down the street from my apartment.

Dancing With the Stars is a show that makes no sense to me. I understand the appeal of it; I'm usually very interested in any program that involves celebrities doing ridiculous things on national television and I know that people love bright shiny costumes, but it still somehow manages to hold no interest for me whatsoever.

With that said, I know that the announcement of each season's DWTS cast is heavily anticipated and rumored for months before the actual announcement. We heard that Dan Marino may be a contestant; a claim that was soon denied. 82-year-old Cloris Leachman was another name floated, as was Magnum, P.I. himself, Tom Selleck. Kim Kardashian and Kathy Griffin were also said to have been approached.

As with most rumors, some of these turned out to be false, but others had some truth to them. Follow me after the jump for the official (and completely insane) cast of Dancing With the Stars' seventh season, along with some twists the producers have cooked up for this go-around.

Oh thank God. Paris Hilton is going to England to try and find a new best friend for her reality television show Paris Hilton's My New BFF. Now, rather than subject us to her vapid, debutante antics, she'll be doing the same thing across the Atlantic where they're more used to that sort of behavior.

You know, this is quite an honor for some lucky Brit. There is nobody more loyal, caring and understanding as a friend than Paris Hilton. Just ask Nicole Richie.

Our Monday morning roundup of a half dozen things TV Squad readers - and TV fans in general - will be talking about this week.


1. Democratic National Convention. Some viewers will be saying "hey, I'm interested in what Obama and Biden have to say," while others are saying "hey, this is interrupting my favorite show!" (All this week on various stations, including CNN, MSNBC, FOX News, and C-SPAN.)

2. The late night shows return. Finally, Letterman, Leno, Conan and the others are back after vacations and the Olympics. All except Carson Daly, of course.

3. The Jerry Lewis Labor Day Telethon. Laaaadeeee! Is Ed McMahon going to cohost this year? (Sunday starting at 9pm on various stations - check local listings.)

4. The new cast of Dancing with the Stars revealed. I still want to see Andy Dick on this show. (Unveiled on Good Morning America this morning...actually, probably right about now.)

5. The U.S. Open. It's amazing how much this is on, taking up the entire programming schedule on USA Network. But that's a good thing! (All week on USA, from 11am to 6pm, then from 7pm to late night.)

6. The season premiere of Greek. The horrible summer is almost over, Labor Day is here, and the new fall season has begun. (Tuesday at 9 on ABC Family.)

In a perfect example of "you never know", Chris Kattan has separated from his wife, model Sunshine Tutt, after two months of marriage. I would have called it "nuptial bliss," but I don't think that qualifies here. This was a quickie, even by Hollywood standards (although they were dating since 2005. I guess the actual wedding was a catalyst for a reexamination of the relationship).

They must have foreseen problems since a prenuptial agreement was signed. Thank goodness there are no children to worry about. Children always make a separation more messy.

This whole announcement came three days after Kattan's rep announced the split, but stated that no divorce was in the works. How quickly things change.

After a two-month wedding, you have to wonder if any romantic feelings were involved at all, or if someone just wanted a career boost. There can be such superficiality and phoniness in Hollywood. It couldn't have been a real marriage like Christopher Knight.

Check out this new AdultSwim.com interview with voice actor Michael Sinterniklaas, who plays, among other characters in the cartoon world, Dean Venture of The Venture Bros. In this video, you get to watch him get his hair cut. Oh, and he talks about The Venture Bros. but that's really secondary to my original intention of making sure you coiffure-fetish folks get your fill even on a TV site.

The best part is his Patrick Warburton impression, which was brief but sounded pretty spot-on. Apparently, all it takes to do a decent Brock voice is to drop your tone down, groan with frustration and say, "Ahh, boys..." Sinterniklaas also shares a story about one of his biggest fans' Dean tattoo, which is sweet and further enforces that the folks on Venture Bros. are super wonderful to their fans. Click after the jump and check it out.

Last season on Entourage, when Vincent Chase decided to put his own money into Medellin it was a major risk and he knew it. He was rolling the dice on his career, taking a leap of faith by choosing to do a controversial biography of a vicious Colombian drug lord. In Spanish. Directed by a hot-headed genius/madman named Billy Walsh.

Vinney was playing with dynamite. It wasn't good for Vincent's career, but it was great for Entourage. Failure is always funnier than success, isn't it?

Well, as bad as viewers thought Medellin seemed to be based on the brief scenes we saw last season, in the September 7th premiere on HBO, the media weighs in. At the Movies' critics Michael Phillips and Richard Roeper filmed a fictional review of Medellin to be shown in season premiere of Entourage, and it's not good. In fact, if they were stilling using the thumb-o-meter, Medellin would get two big thumbs-down.